Guide to Better Sex
Sex, like most other functions of the body is a normal process. Just like other functions can be upset by factors such as a bad mood, or stress, sexual function can also be disturbed. These disturbances don’t necessarily need to be physical — it is often the mind that causes these blockages. If sex is allowed to happen naturally, in a relaxed way, our bodies will respond normally without any conscious effort on our part.
There are a wide variety of sexual problems or situations that can upset normal sexual responsiveness. Fortunately, most of them can be helped in a positive manner by becoming aware about the problem.
Here are a few of the most common issues that people face:
1. Misunderstanding and/or lack of information about sex
Even though sex is one of the most commonly discussed topics, there is a surprising lack of correct information when it comes to what to expect and how to act. Many times, the images that we see of perfect-looking people can be a cause of stress if we don’t feel the same way about ourselves. The fears then become unrealistic, along with our expectations and fantasies.
2. Bad feelings about sex and its consequences
– Fear of pregnancy
– Fear of pain
– Fear of being caught, heard or interrupted
– Performance anxiety — Fear of failing to perform well
– Fear of losing control (during orgasm) and/or becoming vulnerable
– Looking unattractive during climax
– Bad feelings about yourself or your body like feeling that your body is unattractive
– Low self-esteem
3. Problems in relationship
Anger or resentment against your partner should be resolved as it can decrease performance and pleasure while having sex.
4. Unsuitable circumstances
While a ‘quickie’ can sometimes be fun, good sex usually requires time and patience, not to mention a relaxed mind and body. Being in a hurry, tiredness or preoccupation can rob you of the pleasures of sex.
5. Performance anxiety
This is one of the most significant problems that comes in the way of good sex. We often forget that sex is something that comes naturally to all of us and instead, we seem to view ourselves as ‘performers’, who need to be perfect.
6. Spectator role
Quite often we start observing ourselves as an audience, instead of fully participating in the act.
7. Avoid being a spectator
Remember that you are not just a spectator of an act, you are the act itself, and you are the participant. You are not there to critically analyze it or to constantly measure your efficiency. Enjoy the interaction and don’t worry about the performance.
8. Improve communication
Communication is a vital part of having good sex. Good communication with your partner can be the difference between having sex ‘for the sake of it’ and having ‘a really good time’. Relax and enjoy this without worrying about the end result.
9. Remove misunderstanding
A misunderstanding between partners can affect the sexual relationship badly. The clearer both are about each other and sex, the better it is. A feeling that something important needs to be sorted out before going further should not be overlooked.
Misconceptions about Sex
– The penis can become erect at an early stage, especially in a young man. This does not necessarily mean that he is ready for intercourse and he may start too soon — before his partner feels ready. She may become anxious as she feels she is keeping him waiting. Vaginal lubrication may go unnoticed, especially in lying down positions. Both partners may assume she is not responding, when in fact she is. The penis gives a more obvious signal, which the vagina may not. Arousal comes in waves in both the man and the woman. This is normal. The decline doesn’t mean that something is wrong.
– Premature ejaculation is normal in young men, particularly when they are very aroused. Control comes with learning and practice. Many women may not have an orgasm but are fully responsive. This doesn’t mean that they are frigid. Women may not experience an orgasm in early sexual relationships but this is not a cause for worry. Anxiety further inhibits reaching climax.
– A partner falling asleep straight after intercourse can sometimes cause feelings of resentment in women if they still feel the need for intimacy.
– Men have a fast refractory period — this is the time during which sexual arousal is difficult and this again, is no cause for concern for women.
Sex After Your 60s
Sometimes, blind acceptance of cultural myths can dampen the desire to the point of extinction. That is especially true of sex and the aged. “In the geriatric field, one of the last bastions of culturally enforced ignorance persists in the area of sex and sexuality,” observed a renowned sex therapist. The widely accepted cultural dogma that sexual interaction between older people is not only socially unacceptable, but may be physically harmful, results in thousands of men and women withdrawing from active sexual expression every year. While it may be true that someone in their 60s may not be able to do what they did in their 20s, one needs to remember that this is normal. If you are under the impression that a failed sexual encounter means the end of your sex life, you may be heading towards various degrees of impotency. Men and women can continue to remain sexually active through their whole lives, provided they are in sound physical and mental health.
The common reasons for a reduced sex drive in later years are:
– Monotony and loss of interest
– Changes in physical appearance
– Misconception about one’s waning sexuality
– Lack of communication
These are hurdles that can be overcome. Ayurveda assures you that it is normal for older people to have healthy conjugal relationships as an acceptable form of behavior. Ayurvedic preparations rejuvenate the mechanism of the body, allowing older people to enjoy sexual intimacy the same way they once did.