Lack of ejaculatory control might be the number one sexual complaint among men under the age of 50. The details of the complaint vary greatly though. Concerns range from the man who will ejaculate within seconds, at the first touch or just prior to penetration, to the man who is able to receive oral and manual stimulation without ejaculating, but with intercourse will orgasm within a minute. There are men who report being quick to ejaculate from their very first sexual encounter and remain so. There are men who report having been quick during early sexual encounters but gained control until suddenly losing control again. Then there are men who seem to never have been bothered by an untimely ejaculation. This leads to the conclusion that there is not just one type of ejaculatory concern.
Premature or rapid ejaculation is also relative to the man and/or his partner’s expectations. There are men who are able to last 5 minutes during intercourse but complain because they had hoped to last longer. There are men who last 20 minutes but their partners complain that they did not finish at the same time. There are also some couples who engage in foreplay that lasts long, during which time the woman might have one or more orgasms. But the man reaches orgasm almost immediately after penetration without any complaints from him or his partner. In this case, rapid ejaculation is not considered a problem because both partners are satisfied and happy with the encounter. These examples make it clear that a man’s expectations and/or the expectations of his partner (s) have something to do with his labeling himself as having a problem.
In the past, premature ejaculation was defined by the percentage of times the man ejaculates during intercourse before his partner does. There is, however, a major problem with defining a man’s ejaculatory control in terms of his partner’s orgasmic frequency during intercourse. It has been clearly demonstrated that the majority of women (perhaps around 65%) are unable to orgasm with the stimulation of intercourse alone. For most women the vagina is significantly less sensitive than the clitoris, which is not always stimulated in most coital positions. A fair number of the roughly 35% of women who are able to reach orgasm during intercourse do so by combining clitoral stimulation with what they are experiencing vaginally. It is fortunate that some positions that work best for the woman are the same in which a man might exercise better control of his ejaculatory process.
What Causes Ejaculation?
In nature the purpose of sex is procreation, and this process is accomplished by the deposit of sperm into the vagina, independent of the time it takes to do so (or, for that matter, the partner’s satisfaction). Our primate cousins, the apes, chimps and monkeys, ejaculated in seconds. As human beings, however, sex is more often for recreation, typically with great pains being taken to prevent pregnancy. Sex for humans is an expression of love, a sharing of intimacy, a form of communication, and often we feel it is an expression of our manhood or womanhood. However, it appears natural for a man to move toward vaginal intercourse, thrust upon penetration, and ejaculate quickly.
Although averages stated vary a bit from study to study, it would appear safe to say that the average healthy male under 30, with steady vaginal thrusting, will ejaculate in 1 to 3 minutes, not 15 minutes as most men would wish.
There are factors that influence how quickly a man will ejaculate:
– The younger the man, the more likely it is that he will ejaculate quicker.
– The more excited the man, the quicker he is likely to be spent.
– The more exciting the partner is, the greater the tendency to orgasm rapidly.
– The longer the time since his last ejaculation, the greater the loss of control.
– The more active and rapid the thrusting, the sooner he is likely to orgasm.
– The more worried or anxious the man, the shorter his fuse will be.
Men have tried many things to slow themselves down. Condoms might help (and should always be worn in the practice of safe sex), but in a long-term committed relationship, condoms may be a nuisance unless being worn for contraceptive purposes. Many people view rapid ejaculation as a pathological condition instead of something that is natural. Rapid ejaculation has been grouped with sexual dysfunctions, even though it is quite common and the majority of young excited males will ejaculate rapidly at least in the early encounters with a responsive and novel partner. Calling it a dysfunction is essentially turning a natural process into an illness.
It may well be that some men are just more sensitive than others. There is no cure for what is just one more of the multitude of individual differences we find among people. If a man is to learn an effective strategy for managing his ejaculatory response, he must not allow himself to become overly excited. Increasing the frequency of ejaculation, either with a partner or through self-stimulation can help. Also staying relaxed both in mind and body is very important.
How to Cure Premature Ejaculation
A man must identify all the internal indicators that he is approaching that threshold where his body will automatically take over and propel him to orgasm. This requires relaxation and concentration. He cannot be thinking of his partner’s response or even looking at her body. He must stay within himself and feel his process unfolding. Then he must stop before reaching the point of ejaculatory inevitability. This is one of the best premature ejaculation treatments as outlined by the two sexual techniques outlined below.
Sexual Techniques to Delay Ejaculation
Start-Stop Technique: Typically, the instructions are to start and stop four or five times before letting go and ejaculating. The start-stop procedure works best with a committed and giving partner who is willing to take the time to help.
Working on this usually starts with manual stimulation with a dry hand. After a few such encounters, a lubricant is introduced, but the stimulation is still manual. If all is going well, after several such episodes, oral stimulation is suggested if the woman is comfortable performing fellatio. Remember, with each of these steps, the stimulation is started and, as the momentum builds, the stimulation is stopped. The man must not allow his partner to begin again until he is absolutely sure he is back under control, even if this means he is beginning to lose some of his firmness.
Squeeze Technique: This technique requires for squeezing the penis as the man nears ejaculation – the specific area between the shaft and the glans for about 30 seconds. This immediately arrests ejaculation, but it may also affect the erection. The partner can stimulate him into an aroused state again. This can be repeated several times till he is ready to reach orgasm.
A thing to note is that this method requires a lot of practice and perseverance from the man and his partner. It could take several months for someone to gain experience as to correctly determine that “point of no return” and delay ejaculations successfully. The only drawback of this technique is that it can disrupt sexual activity and need more foreplay time to get back in the game.